Tuusulanjärven Maraton

„How can I inspire others, when I fail?” – I thought to myself at the 25. km of the Tuusulanjärven Marathon, Saturday 23.05.2015. It was my 7^th marathon and the 3^rd time I was taking part in that event. 

Vege runners: Agata & Remi
Tuusulanjärven Maraton 2015

The marathon course goes two times around the lake Tuusula. There’s almost always windy and always hot, when the weather is sunny. This time the wind was really awful on the West side of the lake: around 11-19km and 31-40km of the marathon. What’s more, the West side is more difficult because of the hills. My run felt pretty good on the first round. I felt strong, comfortable and calm, keeping the pace around 5:20 at the first 11km. I knew that the other side of the lake might be more difficult, but I didn’t expect the wind to be that strong. Quite fast I realised that keeping my pace in that wind would be suicide, so I dropped it to 5:45 and hoped that I can work on it again on the East side, which was more still. But after the first round, with over 21km behind, I was exhausted and disappointed…

In tears at the finish line

My pace dropped dramatically. From the plan A, which was to run the marathon in time close to 3:50, I was forced to start the plan B: to get to the finish line without hurting myself too much before the ultramarathon, which’s coming in 2 weeks. Fighting with the wind took all the energy and I had nothing left for the second lap around the lake. I thought about quitting so many times: “maybe it’s a good decision to quit now and to consider this marathon a faster training before the ultra”, “is there any sense in collecting marathons and running all of them with such a miserable result”, “what will others say about my slow pace this season?”…  My head gave up and my body immediately followed. I was in terrible pain, my thoughts were down and I felt absolutely no joy of running. I was so exhausted that for the first time since my first marathon I had to walk on the hills. I tried to focus on crossing the finish line and relaxing at home on the evening party with my man.

The last kilometres went quite fast. It felt so good to cross the route marks: 35, 36, 37 (only 5km left!), 38… I got ahead of so many runners! I’ve never seen so many marathon runners walking at the end – looks like I wasn’t the only one, who took a beating from the wind. I crossed the finish line after 4 hours and 21 minutes (last year my time was 3:55!). I started crying like a baby, because of disappointment and self-pity. My man took care of me immediately. He run the marathon in 3:28 – it took him 18 minutes more than last year. I pull myself together in a few minutes; after all it felt so good to rest on the green grass in the sunshine, having run 42km for the seventh time.

Never underestimate your achievements!
You knewer know, who you inspire...

In the evening I was analysing my silly behaviour and sad thoughts on the finish line: why the hell I felt so disappointed of my achievement? Thousands of people in the world do sports. Only very little percentage of them do it for money and break the world records. So there must be some other reason behind it than achieving a good time and breaking the personal bests! Otherwise sport would be a very narrow activity only for the champions. Suddenly I realised that today’s experience was very precious for me. What if I run all of my competitions close to my personal best or a little better every single time? Today I had to face a really big crisis, dark thoughts of self-doubt, muscle pain and total exhaustion. What’s more I had to learn how to keep going in pain and how to deal with worse results than usually. All of these experiences were another barriers I had to go though. I had to experience all of that in order to learn to feel respect and happiness about my life and my achievements; to feel happiness of doing what I love, no matter what “result” I achieve, as the result is something different than time and the numbers. Having realised that I feel grateful for this experience, for the pain and exhaustion. Marathon is not always fun and sometimes it turns out very different than we think. It always teaches us something precious about ourselves. I embrace it and feel thankful, taking what it brings.

Tuusulanjäven Maraton medal series

Chasing my dreams...

I remember my first run: spring 2012, an old Black Metal cotton t-shirt and a few kilos too much. After 20 minutes and 2-3km I felt like choking in agony. I tried it maybe 3 more times, but it was so damn tough that staying at gym still felt more comfortable back then. Buying new running clothes (because my husband did it and I couldn't be worse!) made me enter the running paths again in late summer and this time it was for good. So it wasn't love from the first sight, me and running... Next year I was already a proud marathon runner, training to her first mountain ultra...

My first running competition: halfmarathon in Bydgoszcz, Poland.
It was in March 2013. At 15.km I was almost blind of exhaustion!

Back then I was a really unhappy person. I didn't show it to anybody, even to myself. I just felt like my life's not funny at all and actually I hated everything about myself. I came to the point that when facing obstacles and disagreements with other people, I blamed myself in the depth of my heart for everything, shouting at my surroundings with aggression and frustration at the same time. I didn't listen to anybody and didn't let myself to make deep, authentic bounds with others, nor with my true self. That was sad and destructive, for me and the people around me.

I didn't want to live that way, or rather I didn't want to live at all, because I wasn't aware that there were other options to choose. But somehow I knew that life must be something more than just pathetic complaining and delving into the past, so I decided to do some inner research. 

I begun with daily meditation and the first deeper expanded states of mind came in. With meditation came also discipline and focus on work and solving the problems. I didn't know, where I go, but I felt it's the right direction. Shortly after that I started running: just put the boots on and went outside in that funny cotton t-shirt. The most simple thing on earth. Because our bodies are made for moving and our souls for creating ideas. I found peace in movment, joy in pain of crossing the inner boundaries, fascination in altered states of mind and being outside my so called "comfort zone". I discovered happiness in dreaming big...

The finish line of Sudetian Mountains Ultramarathon.
I just run 100km. Was it the first time,
when I felt love and respect for myself and my achievements?

"I am an ultra runner!" - I thought to myself after I'd run my first halfmarathon, halfalive, in 2:24. I just knew it. Yes, there were moments of doubt (and still there are sometimes!), but I was training like crazy and loving it like a maniac. Running made me grow spiritually. Spiritual growth took my physical activity to the top. Step by step, the inner problems, depression and suicidal thoughts disappeared. Step by step the fatty, intoxicated, full of insecurities chick turn into fit, healthy endurance runner. Focusing on the things that I love and I'm fascinated about was so absorbing that I just didn't have time for those silly suicide-low-self-esteem ideas anymore. My route was well marked, but I didn't know where it takes me. I just kept going and enjoyed every move, even if it felt tough, or I was in doubt. And the journey continues...

Working hard ang loving it!

I achieved everything that I dreamt about, when I took a decision to change my life, because I couldn't stand it anymore. Is it the right time to set new goals? Maybe it's not good to tell one's wishes loud, because it's said that they don't come true then. But I don't talk about wishes, I talk about plans for the future. I dream about showing people inspiring things: the joy of free moving in beautiful nature of Polish mountains and Finnish forests, the importance of spiritual and physical health and how both are connected to each other. I dream about being close to creative, adventurous and hard-working people, with whom we could make amazing things together in sport and travels. I dream about making a living by doing my passion every single day, because once I found it, I want to keep it close! I believe in success, because one cannot go wrong with love.

Before the ultramarathon of Dangers: Vaarojen Marathon 86K
Koli, Finland in October 2014.
Photo by Krzysztof Nigot & Dotfilms.pl

Kaukjärven Kierros 28K in Tammela, Finland

Tammela is a little village around 120km North-West from Helsinki. For the second time I had a pleasure to participate there in Kaukjärven Kierros, 14 and 28km running competition. Every year on the first Sunday of May the event is held in the charming surroundings of the lake Kaukjärvi. The course is a 14km lap around the lake and 28km is double the distance.

Tammela sport centre this morning

As always, I chose a longer distance. I wanted to make it a hard training before the Tuusulanjärven Marathon, which I’m running in 3 weeks. I had a goal to keep the hard pace as long as I could stand it in my head and in my legs. Did I succeed? Yes, a sort of! Last year I had a better time though, which gave me the third place in the race. This time I was fourth, but still extremely proud of myself. I push my running abilities to the very limits and it didn’t break my spirit at all. After the first lap, at the 14km, I was so tired already, that I could hardly imagine how could I make it to the end now. But somehow I survived! It was hard as hell though and my average heart rate was 186! All in all, I stayed focused  and didn't give up, cheering myself up by thoughts about my 7 year old daughter, who never gives up riding her little bike almost every day and my brave Mom, who at the age of 55 run almost 90km in Polish mountains this weekend - amazing!

Vege Athlete Agata ready for the race

The course itself wasn’t easy either. Major part of it goes along sand and stone routes, there are also some kilometres of forest trails, not to forget about lots of bigger and smaller hills. The views are very nice: Finnish countryside pictures, forest paths, the Kaukjärvi lake. But what I love the most is the very atmosphere of the event! 

The final uphill on the 14km course

It’s quite a small competition and very nicely organised: there are changing room and shower facilities for the runners in the Tammela’s sport centre with a little café opened during the event, 2 drink stations with water and sport drinks along the 14km route with the extra one at the finish line, very supporting organizational team, cheering up the runners all the time, as a souvenir runners get a little statuette and all ladies receive a beautiful rose at the finish line. So sweet, isn’t it? I just want to return there every year and I also recommend you visiting this charming place too! So see you in 2016, Tammela! Next year I’m gonna rock the distance again with even better result!

Thank you, Tammela! See you next year!