Chasing my dreams...

I remember my first run: spring 2012, an old Black Metal cotton t-shirt and a few kilos too much. After 20 minutes and 2-3km I felt like choking in agony. I tried it maybe 3 more times, but it was so damn tough that staying at gym still felt more comfortable back then. Buying new running clothes (because my husband did it and I couldn't be worse!) made me enter the running paths again in late summer and this time it was for good. So it wasn't love from the first sight, me and running... Next year I was already a proud marathon runner, training to her first mountain ultra...

My first running competition: halfmarathon in Bydgoszcz, Poland.
It was in March 2013. At 15.km I was almost blind of exhaustion!

Back then I was a really unhappy person. I didn't show it to anybody, even to myself. I just felt like my life's not funny at all and actually I hated everything about myself. I came to the point that when facing obstacles and disagreements with other people, I blamed myself in the depth of my heart for everything, shouting at my surroundings with aggression and frustration at the same time. I didn't listen to anybody and didn't let myself to make deep, authentic bounds with others, nor with my true self. That was sad and destructive, for me and the people around me.

I didn't want to live that way, or rather I didn't want to live at all, because I wasn't aware that there were other options to choose. But somehow I knew that life must be something more than just pathetic complaining and delving into the past, so I decided to do some inner research. 

I begun with daily meditation and the first deeper expanded states of mind came in. With meditation came also discipline and focus on work and solving the problems. I didn't know, where I go, but I felt it's the right direction. Shortly after that I started running: just put the boots on and went outside in that funny cotton t-shirt. The most simple thing on earth. Because our bodies are made for moving and our souls for creating ideas. I found peace in movment, joy in pain of crossing the inner boundaries, fascination in altered states of mind and being outside my so called "comfort zone". I discovered happiness in dreaming big...

The finish line of Sudetian Mountains Ultramarathon.
I just run 100km. Was it the first time,
when I felt love and respect for myself and my achievements?

"I am an ultra runner!" - I thought to myself after I'd run my first halfmarathon, halfalive, in 2:24. I just knew it. Yes, there were moments of doubt (and still there are sometimes!), but I was training like crazy and loving it like a maniac. Running made me grow spiritually. Spiritual growth took my physical activity to the top. Step by step, the inner problems, depression and suicidal thoughts disappeared. Step by step the fatty, intoxicated, full of insecurities chick turn into fit, healthy endurance runner. Focusing on the things that I love and I'm fascinated about was so absorbing that I just didn't have time for those silly suicide-low-self-esteem ideas anymore. My route was well marked, but I didn't know where it takes me. I just kept going and enjoyed every move, even if it felt tough, or I was in doubt. And the journey continues...

Working hard ang loving it!

I achieved everything that I dreamt about, when I took a decision to change my life, because I couldn't stand it anymore. Is it the right time to set new goals? Maybe it's not good to tell one's wishes loud, because it's said that they don't come true then. But I don't talk about wishes, I talk about plans for the future. I dream about showing people inspiring things: the joy of free moving in beautiful nature of Polish mountains and Finnish forests, the importance of spiritual and physical health and how both are connected to each other. I dream about being close to creative, adventurous and hard-working people, with whom we could make amazing things together in sport and travels. I dream about making a living by doing my passion every single day, because once I found it, I want to keep it close! I believe in success, because one cannot go wrong with love.

Before the ultramarathon of Dangers: Vaarojen Marathon 86K
Koli, Finland in October 2014.
Photo by Krzysztof Nigot & Dotfilms.pl